A baby sister

So the day before Sam's birthday I was thinking to myself did we make a mistake in only having one child. My pregnancy was far from the worst in the world but just as far from the best as well. Dan and I made a decision that we would make a decision by the time Sam was two. Sam turning 2 came quicker than we both expected and Sam had already had 2 surgeries at this point, he was not really talking and I had gone back to the classroom. I am pretty sure the first time Sam was in recovery from his surgery and wasn't waking up so easily Dan and I decided we were done.

I remember when I was younger I thought I wanted 10 kids. I must have been on drugs.  I don't even know how I could fathom that. I did not get married until I was almost 30 and did not have Sam until I was 35. My perinatologist really made me feel terrible about my weight, and age when I became pregnant.  I am super sensitive pretty much about everything when I am not pregnant, when I was growing a human these things did not make me feel any better about my already rough pregnancy. At 20 weeks I was told there was something very  wrong with my unborn child's kidneys.  Scary shit. Loads of tests and guilt, so much guilt. ( P.S. not pregnant now and the guilt is still there)

I was worried that if we did have a 2nd he/she could have the same or worse kidney issues or god forbid something worse. I threw up from 6 weeks until 26 weeks, so much that I rotted my teeth out and had 8 cavities,  gestational diabetes, I had terrible post partum depression and was not sure how I could take care of the son I had already. I knew work would be impossible if I had a pregnancy like Sam's and financially I knew we couldn't take a hit.

Dan and I talk about if we had another child and did we make a mistake. I think Dan would have liked to have more kids. He says he saw how I was pregnant and had a hard time watching me like I was.  He is the oldest of 6.

We had genetic testing  done last  spring, here is more guilt. Sam has an extra arm on his 22 X chromosome ( guess who that comes from??) Dr. Udell told me not to read too much into it but it could unlock some of Sam's issues (kidney, poor immune system, allergies, low cholesterol, etc.). I cried a little bit the day I read the report.  Sam thank god did not look like any of the kids in the database but I did think what if we did have a 2nd child.

They say the average family with a child on the spectrum spends $60,000 a year on treatment, on therapy, etc.  I know that if we had had another child and possibly another ASD child we would have not made it financially.  I know money is not the most  important thing but when therapy is $400 an hour and insurance is $300 a month for your child, you start to think of the $ signs.

Later that day Sam wakes up and asks for a baby sister.  Ok I didn't know what it say.  It was as if he had read my mind. I made him ask daddy in the car. He giggled and said it. I was a little heartbroken because I think we made the right decision but maybe we didn't.

Why my day job is hard...

One of the reasons my real life job is so hard is because of emails like this.  I have changed names to make sure I do not get into trouble but nothing else has been changed.  I was cleaning my inbox at work and cam upon this gem...

Original email-

Message body

Ms. Teacher;

        S.W came home today (1 Oct) and said that you gave her a zero for
 the following homework assignments--Light Foldable and Light Scavenger Hunt, 
after she turned these assignments in to Olivia—the paper picker-upper.  
After peeling the onion back a bit, S stated that her entire group got a 
zero b/c you stated that you didn’t receive the assignments.

I find it hard to believe that four students from the same group who 
completed these assignments individually and turned them in to the same person, 
mysteriously disappeared in thin air--resulting in a zero for each student.  
Isn’t this odd to you b/c it is to me.  I can see if one student assignment was
missing then you might deduct, that said student did not turn in the assignment,
but all four? Something’s fishy.

I will be visiting the school on Monday, 5 Oct to request a full investigation 
into this situation through the guidance counselor and or the Principle, unless 
the issue is resolved before then.

Please feel free to respond to this email and bring us up to speed.  

Father, 

My  response is below in another color. It is so very to be treated as a 
professional.  This student now treats me like I am a pile of dog shit I
 had to ask a colleague what to say because I was fuming.

The issue has been resolved

Travel Tips

(Let me preface this entry by saying I am in no way endorsing anything I write about here for any particular child or any commercial entity, these are just based on our travels with our child.)

Ok so travelling with children is tough. Traveling with a child with allergies makes it a bit more difficult and a kid that is on the spectrum adds another layer.

Sam is HIGHLY allergic to eggs and peanuts, tree nuts came up on a blood test, sensitivities to gluten, dairy, strawberries, mangoes, etc.  The list is pretty long. The ones I am most concerned with are the eggs and peanuts.  I will discuss the allergies at a later date because I could devote a whole blog to the amount of people who say to me “ do these kids really have such bad allergies?” Yes, yes the do and if exposed he/she could die so I do not mess around with it.

Sam is a pretty good traveler.  We have never been on a plane with him though. A couple of reasons why we haven’t flown with him are we never had the money in the past to go on vacation and I am afraid to fly.  The last plane trip I took was this summer and I was taking Xanax for all my flying. Prior to this summer’s trip the last time I flew was 8 years ago.  Many moons ago I travelled extensively for work and I took meds to cope but being responsible for Sam and Dan needing to be responsible for us both kind of lends itself to car trips. I am also nervous because what if Sam has a meltdown on a plane, what do we do then?

We travel 4.5 hours to go to Dr. Udell 3-4 times a year.  It is by far our longest trip so far.  If I was to pick a hotel chain that has been the best for us, it would be the Marriott chain.  I figured out when we went in the spring to Dr. Udell that the Townplace Suites have tiny ovens and full kitchens. This is AMAZING for picky kids and kids with allergies. This Townplace in particular is across the street from a strip mall with some food options and a Publix. The Residence Inn had some suites that have ovens but they are more expensive and there are limited suites that have ovens.  I remember from my days of travelling some of the extended suites hotels have kitchen set ups.

Some of these packing tips are more relevant to people who travel in cars rather than planes. I do not have to worry about how much my suitcase weighs. I did find a great suitcase that we took to California this summer by Lucas, it was light, fit a ton and had great wheels. ( the one I posted it not mine, I couldn't find a Lucas website. I got mine on sale at Dillard's for about $100)

Some things that make travelling easier for me I am adding below. I have a tendency to make lists and lose them.  I have an app on my phone called Google Keep.  This app allows me to have a running list of all the things we may need for Sam and I can check it off right on my phone or laptop. 

Having a toiletry bag ( this style is mine and I have had it since 2002, it has taken a beating and we use it for all three of us) already packed with our essentials in the linen closet.  This is a bit of an investment in the beginning but a lifesaver.  On a blog or pin I read it said to invest in throw away tooth brushes so you can leave them in a hotel (amazon.com). I also save slivers of soap( for skin sensitive peeps), a brush, small make-up remover, q-tips, travel deodorant, travel size toothpaste, asking for samples of make-up and hair care products, at Sephora, meds at Walmart( 81 cents), kids ibuprofen, a kid thermometer, sunscreen, bandaids, all sizes of Ziploc bags (things always leak), etc.  I can go into more detail if someone would like.  This bag was taken out as recently as last night because with Hurricane Hermine we lost power, and were going to stay at nana’s. The best thing was I knew how to find it in the dark I did not have to search for things to bring, it was already packed.

Lay out clothes for your child so he/she think they are picking what they want to wear. This is great for them to have a choice but truth is you have already picked out the clothes. Pack more clothes than you think you will need.  Someone may get sick at Disney and puke all over the only sweatshirt you have for him. You may then need to go on a wild goose chase to search at the outlet malls for something for your 4 year old to wear in the rain (true story!) Better to have too much than not enough. For the puke reason too quarters for washers and dryers ( some places have free laundry rooms for guests), and a laundry bag for all of your dirty items so you don't need to sort through clean and dirty when you come home.  Good places to pick these up at target, bed bath and beyond, mone is from Old Navy from when I traveled.

Make sure to bring more than one pair of shoes, blisters happen, shoes break. Sam has gotten better with trying on shoes but it is not one of his favorite things to do so not predicting an issue will save you time and money.

Some other goodies are a portable DVD player because Sam does not like to watch movies on the iPad and we have the cables that plug into most tv’s so he can watch on the tv as well. Of course  we still need the iPad and kindle, a suitcase just for Sam to put his toys, a cooler, a backpack ( easier than a purse and holds all of the electronics), a car blanket ( a blanket that is in the trunk we keep just in case),food for special needs( most Publix have dry ice and strafoam coolers to keep frozen things frozen) snacks for daddy, mommy and Sammy, drinks, car cell phone chargers ( these will work for some portable electronics as well.) I may need to revise this but this is the bulk of it. A lot of stuff to schlep from here to there but if we forget something we always have Waze to find the closest Target or Wal-Mart.